Seeing yourself in others is imperative to breaking free from diet-culture.
In the iconic, girl-culture clique comedy Mean Girls, the act of solidarity in body hatred and connection through oppression is clearly portrayed when the girl gang and new girl Kady stand by the mirror poking and prodding at their “less than perfect” form. The teens one-by-one remark on a body part they hate. When it’s new-girl Kady’s turn, she pauses- perhaps without a fault to dole out- and she reluctantly remarks that her breath stinks in the morning. The other teens sigh in relief, as if to say, “whew, she is one of us.”.
It is in the vernacular of all womxn to have language around what body parts they loathe, what diet they’re currently trying and how best to hide their fruit-labeled body shapes behind the “right”silhouette. (this is utter bullshit- where the horizontal stripes!) And when one finally drops the self-hate, the tedious time it takes to body-check, self-scrutinize, weigh out grains of rice on the food scale, it’s hard to find a group of friends where these actions aren’t part of the bonding experience.
This isn’t to say that all womxn everywhere only spend time together scrutinizing themselves. But, it does happen, ever so subtly in our everyday interactions with others. How we discuss what we ate over the weekend, “were you ‘good’ this weekend?” as if our food choices could damn us to an eternity in Hell. Or how we debate over what diets or “lifestyle changes” (EYE ROLL) are best, swapping tips, tricks and cauliflower-rice recipes. The subtle language of diet-culture is integrally woven in how womxn interact. And when one finally decides to leave Diet Land behind, where do they go for support and understanding?
Part of my process for finding solace and safety outside of diet culture was sussing out who actually was safe. If a friend is posting before and after pictures, selfies at the gym, “healthy” recipes with some remark on how “good” they are being, I know this person is not someone I go to when I’m feeling the ever-crushing weight of diet-culture. Part of working through eating disorder or disordered eating recovery is about creating safety in relationships that will support your recovery, not subtly undermine it with diet talk or veiled fatphobia. This may be a mourning process and may mean holding some relationships a bit farther away while in recovery.
Finding community is so important when you’re recovering from the life-long diet culture hangover. For me, this has been long hikes with other anti-diet folks, and talk over pancakes about demoralizing food. If you are failing to find someone in your current circle that can hold space for you to do this work, looking to a fat-positive, anti-diet community may be helpful. Joining the Austin Fatties book club can surround you with fat-positive babes that commit to reading work by other fat-positive people. Or joining the All Bodies Hikes I facilitate monthly. These hikes are a diet talk-free space, where folx of all abilities can enjoy nature and create community. If you’re outside of the Austin area, there may be a community for you. Seeing yourself and your story in others is imperative to breaking free from diet-culture. Or be a badass and create that community! I set out to create the All Bodies Hikes because I felt Austin was sorely lacking in spaces that felt undoubtedly safe for fat folx.
Humans crave connection and acceptance. Our culture upholds patriarchal beliefs that womxn should constantly be minimizing themselves, striving to never be “too much”. But we are not beholden to the faults of those who came before us. You can live free from diet bullshit and you don’t have to do it alone. And if you can’t find a fat-positive badass community, come join mine- it’s pretty great over here.