Okay—I hear you. “How can I be body positive in a body like this?”. “I’ll love my body when I lose all this extra weight”.
Becoming accepting of your body or even overjoyed to live in your body does not come overnight. You cannot sprinkle magic fairy dust over yourself, have a good nap and wake up bursting with body-positive energy. The idea of body positivity feels so far away when we’ve been sold our whole lives that we are not enough and too much all at the same time.
If you ask any woman how she feels about her body, she will almost always answer with something she wishes to change. And who’s to blame her? We are constantly bombarded through social media, advertising, television and film that we do not measure up. The diet and weight-loss industry are a $73 Billion/ year industry and they’re not in the business of making women and men feel in love with themselves. That won’t sell their latest cream or weight-loss program.
If you were born on an island with no outside influences telling you that you aren’t good enough 24 hours a day and you were surrounded by people living in bodies of all shapes and sizes you probably wouldn’t be obsessing over the absence of a thigh gap. But that isn’t reality.
So how do we get to body acceptance or even body positivity without the magical island of diverse bodies?
First step is a big one: Stop dieting. Just stop. Delete the My Fitness Pal App. (No seriously delete it right now- it’s a pain anyway). Stop the diet talk. Don’t engage when your friends want to discuss their Keto Diet, or what counts as Paleo. This means setting hard boundaries with people you love which is hard—I totally get it. But the first step in accepting your body is to quit punishing it for existing.
There are numerous studies that show that dieting does not work. One such study states that 95% of people who go on diets will regain weight in 1-5 years (http://cswd.org). There is also an entire body of work on Set Weight Point. Set Weight Point states that there are many more factors that contribute to body size and weight than diet and exercise. One huge factor- genetics. Something you can’t change with dieting! Your body knows where it needs to be to function properly. This may not be the weight you wish it to be, but dieting will only temporarily change your weight while wreaking havoc on your metabolism and energy.
Quitting the diet game is a huge step and it may be one that you fall back into now and then. That’s okay! The road to body acceptance isn’t one that only moves forward. It’s oftentimes a life-long process. Once it feels like you’re beginning to quit the diet game you can move on to:
Step two: Removing influences from your life that make you feel crummy. This step can definitely occur in concurrence with step one and is also a step you will continue to do. Removing influences that make you feel like crap can look like un-following social media influencers that push unrealistic or unhealthy body standards.
A good rule of thumb is if you scroll past a post and it makes you feel like you’re not enough, you’re not eating the right thing, doing the right exercise, or not living your life well enough, unfollow them. Instead, fill your feed with folks that live in a variety of bodies. In this wide world, there is so much more body diversity than what we see in traditional media.
Removing the icky influences also looks like the boundaries we talked about earlier. You may need to set hard boundaries with friends and family about comments they make about their bodies in front of you, or about the comments they make about you. Shut that sh*t down!
There are loads of ways to do this that are respectful and empowering all at the same time. You can walk away from diet or body talk, or you can use my favorite line, “your diet (or weight or exercise routine) is the least interesting thing about you. Let’s talk about something more fun!”. Borrow it and use the crap out of it.
Step three can be super fun and challenging all at once. Step three is to cultivate a joyful relationship with movement. What do all those fancy pants words mean? Basically- if you hate running- stop running. If you can’t stand sit-ups (who does?) stop doing them! Movement is so, so much more than the socially-prescribed gym routine.
If you enjoy walking, or hiking, encourage yourself to make time to walk through your neighborhood or find a nature trail in your neighborhood. It may go against the “no pain no gain” mentality, but movement and exercise does not equal punishment. Movement is not something to endure, it should be something you feel excited and energized by! This step is my favorite because it was the hardest for me to overcome. I used to be the girl who went on about her workout (borrring).
But in reality, I often dreaded going to the gym and doing the cardio routine I thought was “healthy”. Since embracing the idea of ‘Joyful Movement”, I’ve discovered that I love going on leisurely bike rides. It totally makes me feel 10 again. I love hiking and taking pictures of butterflies I find. I play outside with my dogs, and I put on music and dance. These are all ways to be active, move my body in a loving way, and practice self-care without punishing myself.
I guarantee that if you let go of all your notions of what a “good” work out is and focus on what interests you, you will find something you love.
Step four can be fun too- maybe it means a shopping trip! Step four is quit wearing clothes that you don’t love and get rid of all of those “goal” clothes. You know the ones. That pair of jeans that haven’t fit in ages, that you’ve dieted for to try to get back into. Those jeans do not represent anything except something that is no longer serving you. The feeling of stepping into a closet filled with clothes that bring you joy and fit your body comfortably is a great feeling. I recommend taking a friend with you who makes you feel empowered and go find something that makes you feel like you can conquer the world.
The fifth and final step is practice, practice, practice. Practice self-compassion and love. This is the longest-lasting step and I hope that it is life-long for you.
In a world like this one, one that will probably not change what it values anytime soon, the only way to hold on to your new-found body acceptance is to practice everything that has gotten you here.
Practice setting boundaries with friends, practice healing that negative and harsh voice in your head and practice feeding the voice that reminds you of the goddess you are. Practice cultivating joyful movements that make you feel good and leave the punishment in the trash where it belongs. Continue to reject the diet industry and rebel against what we’ve been taught. Eat foods that feel good. Quit labeling foods in your mind as “good” and “bad”. Food is food! It’s home, it’s a comfort, it’s friendship, warmth, and joy.
There are probably a million and one steps I could go on and on about but that’s what I got for you today. I could talk about this topic forever and I plan to continue singing the praises of loving your body no matter what until I’m hoarse.
If you’re interested in working on your relationship with your body, I would be thrilled to go on that journey with you. Feel free to reach out at 512-825-1508 or email me at brianna@embracetherapyaustin.com